Hey guys, how are you doing!!
We are almost halfway done through the month! These are definitely crazy times and they will go down in history! I personally have tried to make the most out of all of this and I have learned some things along the way. Before I get started, I wanted to ask you guys, do you enjoy longer blogs or shorter ones! Comment down below!
Ok, let me get started! I am not a big fan of school breaks. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy a break from school but LONG breaks are not my favorite. I have finally become comfortable being in larger, social crowds (which I am very proud of), but when I stop going to school for a while I began to have these weird withdrawals from people! I am not the most extrovert person but I also have become less introvert. I think I am an ambivert. I need good balance. Breaks don't give me that; they throw me off balance. When I am home for long periods of time without any interaction aside from that of my family, I get sad. I am not sure why. I just shutdown. However, when I go back to school, my anxiety is amplified because I'm all of a sudden thrown into large crowds once again! It a complicated relationship and I struggled with it a lot in high school. Anyways, when I heard that stay at home orders were going to be enforced, I kind of lost it. I didn't know how to feel. Part of me was happy that I didn't have to go to class anymore. I would no longer have to be so awkward in class anymore. I would not have to be forced to participate in class when I "forgot" to do the reading. Yet, the other half of me was worried of how I was going to handle being stuck inside my house for this long. Yes I have my family and they are amazing. I love them. But my mind is powerful and not always in a good way. I knew what my mind was capable of and I was somewhat scared.
The first couple of days I spent lazily lounging around around the house. I was fortunate enough to be on spring break the first week of quarantine so I had time off my studies and was able to transition smoother. As my break concluded, I began to have a moment of realization. I had to be strong. I had to continue my classes. I had to recollect myself because my family needed me. It took a while, but I was able to incorporate some normalcy back into my life which has allowed me to get by each day. Yes my sleep schedule has been messed up but that is okay, I will tackle that at a separate time. What I want you guys to get from this is that you are stronger than you think. I personally learned that I am much stronger than I give myself credit for. It is struggle and a constant battle but I will be okay. I am better than I could have ever imagined and I will attempt to keep things this way. Believe in yourself!
Tiny moment of truth. I have not worn makeup or done my hair (besides my usual bun or pony tail) since quarantine began! Yes I wore the occasional concealer under the eyes to hide my bags but that's it. I just did not feel like it. I am not sure why. Maybe it was because i didn't have the will or energy but I knew for sure that my skin felt good. It could breathe. Yes I had many breakouts on it and they were no pretty but for once I felt comfortable in my skin. My natural skin.I didn't mind going on my zoom calls without any makeup. I refused to give up on my skincare routine. It was one of the last few things that made me feel good. I think that giving myself and my skin a break from makeup had lots of benefits. Not only did it give my skin a chance to clear up, but it forced me to see myself constantly with makeup on. Back at school, I would make sure to not leave my room without at least some light concealer (well except on finals lol i would go in pajamas). Seeing myself in the mirror all the time without made me comfortable seeing that part of me. I slowly began to love and be happy seeing myself bare faced. In fact, yesterday, I had to take a few photos and decided to put some mascara on and my god,my lashes looked amazing (which they had stopped lol). I had not realized that they had grown out. Constantly wearing mascara took a toll on my lashes so this break gave them time to repair themselves. I began to realize a lot of things. I even began loving some of my acne scars. Crazy. I think that I have gotten used to seeing myself with no makeup these past few days that I am not mad about how I look anymore. Taking care of myself and becoming comfortable with myself has allowed me to love myself even more! I guess I learned that sometimes a break is needed in order to flourish and improve (my lashes for example). Although it is important to stick to your routines (get dressed, apply makeup, etc.), maybe taking a couple of days off or even an entire week could be good. I really recommend it. It can do a lot and help love yourself even more. The natural, real you. Give yourself a breather.
One last thing I want to bring up is actually something I read on an Instagram post. I wished I had saved that pose because I don't quite remember who said it. I just remember coming across it as I scrolled. Anyways, it talked about family time. The post said something about how as adults (or upcoming adults lol) we will remember the struggles, the worries, the stress but younger kids will remember this time as the time they played games in, watched movies, or bonded with you! Sometimes we get caught up in things and that is okay, but the little ones are not at fault. If you can take a break, take it with them. Play a game. Watch a movie. Have a conversation. I will admit, I am not so great with this. At least not as much as I would like too. I plan on improving with this no matter what. Yes I have homework, yes my sister has homework, and yes I still have classes. I am stressed, but so is she. We are all. She misses her friends and teachers. They miss her too. Its not an easy time. We have gone outside just to hang out, watched a few movies, played some games, painted and baked. It can be difficult trying to manage everything you have to do in 24 hrs but if anything, this pandemic has taught us that nothing is certain anymore. Time isn't infinite. We have to make the most of what we got.
Overall, what I wan you to take out form this post is that you should take a break, take care of yourself, and enjoy this time. I understand that some of us can't. That is okay. No one is the same. We are all going through different things. We all cope in different ways. We all react differently. IT IS OKAY. It's okay to not be doing what everyone else is. It's okay to spend most of your time in bed. It is okay. It will be okay. All I am saying is that if you can, give it a try. I really suggest you to. You are stronger than you think. You are capable of so much more than you give yourself credit for. Yes it is easier said than done but giving it a shot is better than nothing. Baby steps are okay! Please let me know how you are feeling; let's even have a conversation if you want. You are not alone. Take care of yourselves and your families.
Until next time,
Diana