Hey guys,
What is up… How’s your week going? For those in the semester system, happy fifth week! As for my quarter system buddies, sorry (lol), but if I am not wrong, it’s your first or second week. Right? (lol)
Anyways, I want to apologize for not being active at all. That was my only job, (lol) but I just have been caught in a weird funk lately. At least now, I think I am slowly getting out of it. In fact, that is what I will be talking about today. Imposter syndrome. The unwanted and unexpected visitor.
For those of you who don’t know what it is, imposter syndrome is when you feel like you don't belong where you are or you don’t deserve what you got. Yup. It has a name. I was not aware that this was a legitimate thing until this summer. Unfortunately, I think that we will all go through it at one point in our lives. If you don't, I am happy for you.
Anyways, a couple of weeks ago, I fell into a deep spiral of self doubt. If you can call it that. I have been fine, great actually, for the most part of my first semester at college; yet, this unwanted feeling crept up on me.
I believe that this feeling was greatly intensified in my class for my major, my policy class. In my head, it seems that everyone already knows what they want to do or already have taken a hundred steps forward. They have already had some experience in our field or already have formed some connections for the summer. Everyone just seems to know what is going on.
If I am going to be real with you all, I really did not know that my major existed until two years ago. Around that same time, I had barely discovered attending a private institution was feasible. But that’s a topic for another post. When looking into majors, all I knew was that I wanted to help people and make a difference. I mean, I also knew that I liked law and all that stuff (ha). Point is, I really don’t recall how, but I ended up somehow finding Public Policy. It was perfect. It was everything I ever wanted. I was very excited and could not wait to get started.
However, when classes started, I was dumbfounded. At least to me, it seemed that everyone knew what they were talking about or understood everything that was being taught. Everyone seemed to have some background knowledge on what we were learning and what was being discussed.
This took an immense toll on me because I loved school and learning but I never imagined that I would soon discover that I knew nothing. I felt stupid to say the least. I felt like I did not belong. I began to question whether I was enough. Was I going to succeed? Was I going to survive? Had I made a mistake? Did they make a mistake in picking me?
But after talking it out and reflecting, I realized I was exactly where I was supposed to be.
Nothing is easy. Life is not easy. Heck, college is obviously not easy. It was all going to require hard work and dedication. College was built for the purpose to make us more informed and knowledgeable. You are expected in a sense to not know everything. It is a learning experience.
I also realized that I had to pave the way for others. Most of the time, when you look into something like a specific career path or school, you fail to identify with others because they too were afraid to be first. Difference this time would be that you will not cave in. We have to built a path for others. We have to be the first to jump into the water. Only that way, others will follow.
It wasn’t until maybe this past weekend that I decided to knock some sense to myself. I was where I was because I worked for it. I was there because I chose to be there. Because I want to make a difference and that is what I will do.
So yeah, I went on a ramble (lol). I hope it all makes sense and that maybe you can take something from this. Whether it's at a job or at school or just life in general, you are enough despite sometimes not feeling like it. You are as good as anyone else. Everyone's journey is different but you still belong and deserve anything and everything you got.
I will end on this note… well, more like, I will end with this quote.
Thanks to someone very special who shared it with me, my head is much more calmer and so should yours!
Hoped you enjoyed,
Diana
XOXO