Hello everyone! Happy end of the month! It is surreal to me that we are once again done with one more month.
I think it is about time that I post this: my second year of college recap. There really isn't much to say given that I spent all my time in front of my computer and completed one more year of college by shutting it off.
However, I started to think about why I was reluctant to post this and it finally hit me. There wasn't anything "glamorous" this year; it was all mostly negative (tears, headaches, stress, frustration). I didn't think people would want to read about it, but I remembered why I started this project. To expose what others don't talk about. The ugly parts such as this. I promised to be raw and that is what I am going to try and give you (as much as I can remember).
I will start off by talking about my classes. My first semester was rough. I'll be honest they were probably my least favorite out my entire college career. It was not that I did not like the subject nor the professors but taking them online was difficult. I did end up with great grades at the end of both semesters but it came at a cost (my mental health). However, I am glad to have gotten those out of the way given that some were required. My second-semester classes were a different story on the other hand. By far my favorite! No lies. They were truly life-changing and really had an impact on me. In fact, as a result of the classes I took this year, I added two minors to my course plan! The first was in Forensics and Criminality (a passion of mine for so long) and the second one was in Social Work and Juvenile Justice. Taking on these minors have made me more excited about school and my future work. Plus, two of my favorite professors from these departments taught me two valuable lessons that I will carry with me forever. They always reminded us of this and I don't think I can forget it.
"Be kind to yourself, you're the only you you have" and "Do something that brings you joy."
Now, moving onto extracurriculars. In my first year, I did not get really involved. I was trying to figure out and adapt to college so it was really my second year that I joined orgs/clubs. Although it was online, I knew I was ready. The three that stand out to me right now are HTA, a fellowship called DICE, and a book club through a club called SAGE. HTA was the Human Trafficking Awareness club. It really brought me a lot of insight into this problem and made me more aware of how prominent it still is. In my second semester, I was part of a book club; we read Chanel Miller's Know My Name (highly recommend you read this book). I really enjoyed my experience with them and am for sure hoping to join more book clubs. The book was amazing. It was powerful and I could not put it down! The conversations we had afterward were shocking the least. I was lucky to have great individuals to share this experience with. As for the fellowship, that was in my first semester (fall 2020). It consisted of talking about topics related to diversity, inclusion, equity, and cultural awareness. I appreciate everything about this fellowship so I don't even know how to start. One thing I can say for sure is that it taught me that no one knows everything about DEI and that is okay because we are supposed to be continuously learning and improving! I struggled with this a lot because I constantly felt I did not know enough to speak on this but my Fellow mentor really helped me accept that it is okay!
Finally, the stressful stuff. Working on the computer for 8-10 hours daily (almost back to back) was NOT good/okay. It was tiring, annoying, and HURT. Not being able to walk or stand up or move took a toll. My vision for sure felt it as well! I used glasses and the lowest setting of brightness but it was not enough. I then began noticing my Zoom fatigue and that was not helpful. Doing the same thing every day affected me and I began losing interest. While I enjoyed listening to lectures, I was annoyed. I no longer put as much effort as I used to. It was not sincere. I began questioning and doubting myself and ultimately began using sleep as a way to escape. Now, you may think, well at least you are getting sleep. But that was not always good. I began to stop being productive and abandon my responsibilities. I could not stand being on a computer anymore. Taking exams at home did not make anything easier too. There were times I felt I should not even bother. It became even more difficult due to the fact that there were no longer any boundaries between my school life, social life, and home life. The lines had been blurred and I no longer had control.
May 11th. The day I turned in my last final. I felt a relief I had never felt before. I felt liberated in some sense. I never had a better understanding of "there has been a weight lifted off my shoulders" than this moment. After that week, things started to gradually improve. I will not lie and say everything is perfect. There is work to be done but when is there not? While I no longer have any "free" summers like before in high school, it is safe to say that this has been one of the most relaxing summers I have had and I think it is because of how hectic this past year has been. I finally have moments to breathe and take breaks. With these breaks I have had, I have been able to reflect and I am taking the time to learn to create boundaries for myself. I only do have myself and that is it. I need to take care of myself because there is no other me.
I hope you do that as well. Take care of yourself and do something that brings you joy. <3
Until next year,
Diana